It occurred to me as the days and nights are slipping away there a few memories I have tucked away in my heart that I wanted to record.  Right now these memories are a constant and very habitual but very soon they will  be just a distant feeling attached to this very condensed but extraordinary time in my life. How quickly one forgets….

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I forgot what night was like with a baby. 

Not so much the up-all-hours part (we’re past that, knock on wood).

But the staying up till 11 to feed her one last time and then rocking quietly in the dark until her tiny fingers unlock their grasp on my hair and her arms fall heavy to her sides.

Kissing her one last time and placing her ever so gently in her bed…praying that the startling coolness of the sheet doesn’t wake her.

Silently entering big sis’s room, sure to cover her up under the blankets she’s inevitably kicked  off. A kiss on the cheek and a whispered promise to be a better mommy tomorrow.

Breathing finally into a quiet house, lights are methodically extinguished, prayers are said, and at last my head falls heavy on the pillow too. 

The last one to bed and never the first one up.

Despite my exhaustion, sleep does not easily find me.  I lay, listening for those bitty cries that only a mommy can hear that signal she is needed.  My sleep is light wondering when they will come.

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These are things I want to remember about my life right now.