I’ve mentioned before I am a sensitive soul. My emotions are strong and my feelings are like a compass, constantly steering me forward while my head and hands are left, trying to catch up.
I haven’t always been an emotional being though… I started to notice the walls begin to crack and the floodgates begin to open shortly after we were married. At first I blamed my (then) soy milk obsession (the extra estrogen, you know…). Then I blamed pregnancy, hormones, being a tired new mom. But it really never went away. And I’ve become somewhat comfortable with my new delicate heart and leaky tear ducts. Though not especially when it comes to goodbyes, bridesmaid speeches, or watching movies…
One of the ways this gift can really be a curse, however, is on the verge of something new. I am on the edge of a monumental moment and all I can think about is what I’m leaving behind. California…boohoohoo….and even grieving our old house a bit too. I suppose this has become a rite of passage for me. Before I can fully engage my excitement, I must count my losses and wholly grieve them.
Not having lived this way the first half of my life I can definitely see some benefits to this method. I spent the first few years of our marriage having random crying jags over sad things that had happened years earlier that I’d never shed a year over up until that moment. These belated sob sessions have propelled me into fully grieving in the moment and also allowed me to express my full excitement when the time is right.
Today we pack up California to head home. A “new”, exciting, fresh home to call our own. But pardon while I take a few hours to say my goodbyes….