Month: March 2014

On Grieving

I’ve mentioned before I am a sensitive soul. My emotions are strong and my feelings are like a compass, constantly steering me forward while my head and hands are left, trying to catch up.

I haven’t always been an emotional being though… I started to notice the walls begin to crack and the floodgates begin to open shortly after we were married. At first I blamed my (then) soy milk obsession (the extra estrogen, you know…). Then I blamed pregnancy, hormones, being a tired new mom. But it really never went away. And I’ve become somewhat comfortable with my new delicate heart and leaky tear ducts. Though not especially when it comes to goodbyes, bridesmaid speeches, or watching movies…

One of the ways this gift can really be a curse, however, is on the verge of something new. I am on the edge of a monumental moment and all I can think about is what I’m leaving behind. California…boohoohoo….and even grieving our old house a bit too. I suppose this has become a rite of passage for me. Before I can fully engage my excitement, I must count my losses and wholly grieve them.

Not having lived this way the first half of my life I can definitely see some benefits to this method. I spent the first few years of our marriage having random crying jags over sad things that had happened years earlier that I’d never shed a year over up until that moment. These belated sob sessions have propelled me into fully grieving in the moment and also allowed me to express my full excitement when the time is right.

Today we pack up California to head home. A “new”, exciting, fresh home to call our own. But pardon while I take a few hours to say my goodbyes….

-smk
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The end of Bat Therapy

We have about a week and a half left of our adventure in CA and I feel the end is very much in view.

As much as I long to head back and set up house, and even more so to be reunited with my Love, I am starting to feel the sadness creep in.

It has been an amazing seven plus weeks and this little adventure has been one I will not soon forget.

Tonight M & J arrive and on Saturday, N, and I know from here it will be a whirlwind till the end.

I made a mental list of things that will soon come to an end because I wanted to purposely enjoy them until they were gone for who knows how long. Here they are in word:

-solo runs
-having zero housework
-having a bed all to myself
-no obligations, appointments, or even schedule, really
-after the girls are in bed, having “me time” every night. Want to listen to music as I fall asleep? Sure! Stay up late finishing a show? No one cares. I get to spend my time however I want.
-being chauffeured 90% of the time (I hate driving)
-having someone else plan 90% of the meals
-having another pair of hands to buckle car seat straps, hold hands in the parking lot, shove puffs in mouth at dinner, change diapers, give baths, etc, etc, etc (it is going to be a very rude awakening when we return home)
-having a granny. I’ve said it before but MG views granny, I’m pretty sure, in a position even higher than me. She is like a mommy, playmate, and teacher all rolled into one. When I am busy feeding Bea, if MG wants someone to talk to, she just goes to find granny. In the morning instead of waking me up, she leaves her room and heads downstairs where she knows granny will be awake. It is going to be a hard reality when we wake up back home without her :(. The other day, for example, I asked MG to do something and she asked if granny could help her. “No.” We both said, “granny has to finish this task.” MG’s lip turned into a pout, “but what will I do without a granny??”.

My thoughts exactly.
This has been a wonderful, albeit unique little adventure. I’m so thankful God had it in store for is this year.
But in the mean time, hurry, N. My arms are getting tired.

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-smk

Ten months

You are ten months old today, little Bea!

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For you ten months means:

-teeth! Six are down….Including front and bottom two. You have a little gap just like your sis. So cute!
-food! You are hungry and you always seem to have a preference about what you want. You are over puffs, squeeze pouches, and anything with a slimy or gooey texture (bananas). We have to keep it coming and find new things for you everyday. Right now you prefer table food and to feed yourself. Tomorrow, who knows! Despite this, your weight seems to be plateauing in the 17lb range. Funny, your sis did this too and nearly dropped off the charts by 1. The doctor tried to guilt me about it but I feel a lot more justified now knowing you doing the same thing and I am feeding you the same, if not more!
-standing, cruising, tip toes, on the go! This month you have really taken off–literally. You have even started standing for a few seconds at a time. Very impressive!
-picking up, waving (kind of), clapping (sort of), imitating our actions and noises. Strangers comment all the time on what a social and engaging baby you are. You love to catch peoples’ eyes and then give them a big, mushy smile. Perhaps our extrovert?
-paci. Although you still take a paci to help you fall asleep at night, you rarely want it during the day and often don’t sleep with it in. I hope this means it will be an easy wean for you.
-preferences. You have started to find your voice (loud!) and exert your desires. If we pick you up when you don’t want to be, your arms go straight up, making it almost impossible to hold you. If you see something you want, you race towards it or nearly leap from our arms in order to get it. You are coming into your own.

For us ten months means:

-a whole month a part from daddy :(. He can’t believe how big you’ve become in his absence
-a little less sleep. You and I have been meeting in the nights, most nights. I don’t mind too much though, you eat quickly and fall back asleep quickly too. Your sister went through the exact same phase at this age. Not sure if it’s teething, growth spurt, or what.
-a lot more aware of your presence. We have to keep an eye on you all the time now. You are into it all: toilet paper, electrical outlets, plants. You are so curious about the world and put everything into your mouth
-a new schedule. Rarely will you nap in the car anymore and you are about ready to outgrow the baby seat anyway. Most days that means you sacrifice your morning nap so we can get out of the house. You are just about giving it up though and takes long afternoon ones when you do. I am a bit more in tune to your cues and wish I had followed those with MG rather than living so strictly by a schedule. Take that to heart, stressed out first time moms. You’ll get better with time and experience.

We’ve known you for 304 days now, little one. Are hearts are bursting with love for you!

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-smk

School house FAQ’s

Here are some common questions that arise about our house:

So a school house, you say? yes, it was originally a one room school house, built in 1869. The couple we bought it from, we’ll call them the B’s, purchased it in 1989 and turned it into a live able house. Something I appreciate about them is they kept the integrity of the building and didn’t compromise it by changing the exterior much, if at all. They did add a garage but used old brick from a hospital built around the same time frame that had been torn down. The addition (to my eyes) is seamless.

So how many acres is it 9!!!!

And what will you do with them? well currently 6 is being rented by a farmer who grows crops on them. That is fine by us because right now we have no business farming or attempting to take care of that much land. Later down the road we may turn the land into some kind of profitable revenue or we may build another house on it or we may just use a portion of it for a large garden and animals. Just not sure yet but having possibilities to dream about sure is fun!

So are you going to home school now? haha, very funny!

Bats? no!!!!

And just for fun, here are some things going on in the world the year our house was built:

-the beginning of women’s rights
-Ulysses s Grant became the 18th president
-the periodic table was presented
-the first transcontinental railroad was built
-Cincinnati red stockings become the first professional baseball team
-the first lethal steam car accident; first mechanically propelled accident
-first game of college football
-North Pole was discovered
-Jesse James robbed his first bank
-the Wyoming territory gives women the right to vote: first vote of it’s kind in the world
-war and peace published
-DNA discovered
-Henri mattise was born

If those walls could talk….

-smk

LA weekend

Yesterday we drove back (to our second) home after a fun but short lived weekend in LA. The girls and I pulled in to the land of Carl’s jr and Priuses on Friday around 4:30, local time, and N was able to meet up with us shortly after.

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MG was soooooo excited to see him and could hardly contain her excitement as we grew (or should I say, inched) closer in LA traffic. A lot of people have asked how the girls have done during this separation and it is hard to explain. Since normally N is only around for a few hours of the day and MG doesn’t understand the concept of time, it’s almost as if he’s been at work for a really long time. Plus having my parents around has been a great distraction. Right now it’s as if she has two mommies because there are two adults almost always at her beckoned call. However, right about the two week mark, she starts to show signs of sadness and frustration. This weekend fell perfectly at the end of that period.

LA threw us a beautiful spring party with cool weather in the evenings and humidless heat by day. During N’s conference on Saturday, I took the girls to the zoo which was only a few minutes from our hotel. It was huge and we only had time to see about a third of it before calling it a day.

I will say those LA people love to see babies. Bea received more comments than an average visit to the south, which is saying a lot. I never saw a family with more than two kids the entire time I was there. Three-four is the style back home but so many strangers pointed out that “I had my hands full”. I can only smile and laugh!

We said our final goodbye to daddy on Sunday but only until the last week in March when he joins us for good out here and then we will all fly back to our school house together.

He begins the moving process for us in less than a week! I am on pins and needles (and truthfully feeling slightly awesome that I don’t have to help with it

Checking in

Just some little updates:

-Bea is changing every day. She has 4 teeth through and 2 more almost through. Since we’ve been in CA she has added another feeding in at night–usually around 3am. She is also waving, clapping, and saying things like “ba, ma, and la”. I’ve caught her standing without holding on to anything for a split second at a time. Every day she amazes us with changes!

-the girls and I are driving down to LA this weekend to meet up with N, here for a conference. We can’t wait to have some quality family time!! Then after, only two more weeks until we are reunited for good! We’ve been out here for almost 6 weeks. Can’t believe how fast it has gone!

-we take possession of our school house soon!! N is busy putting in the final packing preparations and then figuring out what needs to be completed in the early days. Things like painting (trim, cabinets, stairs), pulling down wall paper, and putting in dormers are the first on the list. Our list is very long, sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about the time (and money) we want to put into it. But that’s what keeps life exciting!

-Lent started this week and we have chosen some ways to observe it long distance. I have some insight I want to share on this, but it needs to be developed a bit further first….Lent is also exciting though because spring is on the way, and with the time change this weekend, we are slowly inching away from winter (some parts of the county more quickly than others…but either way exciting

Turning 30

Alas, as much as I’ve dragged me feet into this new decade of life, here I am.

I still haven’t become comfortable with saying it yet but I’ve been practicing.  “I am thirty”.

Thirty, though not feelng, always sounded so old.  Thirty means you are no longer in the same age bracket as college athletes, most newlyweds, and those who legally cannot drink.  Even at 29, I felt I was able to maintain a feeling of youthfulness just by lumping myself in the category of those in their twenties.  But now, “I am thirty”

Those who’ve walked this road before me say that the thirties are the best decade.  I wanted to believe them so I looked for reasons to understand why.  Surely they weren’t just saying this, in this mysterious manner, only to have something to hold over an anxious head.  What is their secret fountain of youth?

Though I can only speculate at this point, I am inclined to believe that the thirties hold a sense if stability over the twenties.  After a decade of graduating, starting one of the scariest ventures known as adulthood, attempting to start a career after possibly a few false starts or maybe some in between jobs, purchasing the largest investment of your then life known as a house, getting married, and then following that with a pet or maybe even a kid or two.  That makes for a pretty wild ten years.

Perhaps the thirties will be kind enough to let me stay here for a while in this life that has been built for me and just let me enjoy it.

-smk

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