I just returned from a weekend at MOMcon which always leaves me feeling encouraged to write more. One of the workshops I attended was called Express Yourself by Amena Brown (she is an extremely gifted “spoken word” poet, look her up). She gave us some writing prompts about shoes and they almost immediately went to an emotional level, for all of us. There is something about being given a limited amount of time to write on a specific topic that gives you a freedom not to overthink. It is when your brain doesn’t work too hard that your heart shines through. There was an open mic where we were encouraged to share our writing and I felt tears prick my eyes after nearly every one because I love to hear stories and perspective from other women in the same stage of life I’m in.
The week leading up to MOMcon was a busy one (as they usually are when you are preparing for a trip away from your kids/home). I had to pick MG up early from school and happened to catch her at the end of lunch. She was sitting at the far corner of the cafeteria with a table full of girls. There was one little, petite, open seat beside her and Bea happily filled it, while I kneeled behind, waiting for her to finish. The first thing I noticed was that she was the only child not eating the school lunch. I know I would probably pack a home lunch anyway if given the choice, but it made me sad that she is not given the choice.
This doesn’t seem to affect her social standing though, as the girls that surrounded her were happy to tell me about how they know her and collectively shared a story that had happened to her earlier that day. MG told me their names and I tried to memorize their faces so I could have context to the stories she tells me in the evening. “_____ has a cat but she’s a mean cat.” “_____ has a princess backpack just like me.” “One time _____ hit _____ but she’s never hit me.” She has always been prone to grace.
It’s picture day and that is obvious by the choice clothing and perfectly kept hair. They all look so pretty with their curled hair and big eyes. They stare at me attentively in between stories, and I feel like a queen visitor. I am reminded how much I love preschoolers.
I love observing my girls in social situations.
This month has been a growing one since the loss that accompanied last month. Just recently, N and I feel like God has given us a vision for our future and our hearts are set on attaining it. In some ways, it is hard to keep my feet grounded because my head is in the clouds, thinking, wondering, hoping, how and when we will accomplish this.
MOM con always gives me a taste of what God is trying to teach me and a chance to meet with Him without distraction. This year MOPS is focusing on a theme verse (which I pitifully can’t remember), but the three tenets of it are Notice Goodness, Celebrate Lavishly, and Embrace Rest. The one that I felt continuously sticking out to me was the last one. At first I felt defensive of it; I am an intentional “rester”! When I need sleep, I take a nap. When I am overstimulated, I sneak away to be by myself. I guard my energy level. But as the weekend progressed it became clear to me that it was my mind that needed to rest, not my body.
Fear and worry sometimes plague me into cyclical thinking before I even realize it. Do you know what I also learned? The number one predictor of anxiety in girls is anxiety in their parents. That is one trait I wouldn’t wish on my sweet, curly-haired girls and if it’s out of my control, then I will have to teach them the power they can have over it.