This time was different.
This time I grieved the week before rather than the day of.
This time I peacefully accepted my fate rather than railed against it.
This time, I hugged my daughter extra-hard and promised her a sister. One day.
This time I am chose to be grateful for what I have rather than what I don’t.
This time was less painful physically, but more so emotionally.
This time I mourned with friends and family rather than in private.
This time I didn’t spend hours doing research on the Internet, wondering if it would happen again. I already knew my odds
This time I didn’t blame myself.
And that has made all the difference.
“I am a huge believer in so much beauty coming from so much pain. Although I would highly prefer to go without the pain, I have learned throughout my short life that when you have experienced pain in great excess you can also experience more beauty than ever before. I truly craved the beauty to come. I had amazing moments of clarity and beauty last year. I remember laying on a raft in the ocean in Aruba and watching the clouds and being so amazed by how beautiful it was. I was so thankful that my creator and the creator of the universe is so full of creativity. I experienced this beauty days after my second d&c. I wonder if I would have noticed it if my heart wasn’t looking for something to remind me that God is in control.”