{continued from parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6}

This time was different.

This time I grieved the week before rather than the day of.

This time I peacefully accepted my fate rather than railed against it.

This time, I hugged my daughter extra-hard and promised her a sister.  One day.

This time I am chose to be grateful for what I have rather than what I don’t.

This time was less painful physically, but more so emotionally.

This time I mourned with friends and family rather than in private.

This time I didn’t spend hours doing research on the Internet, wondering if it would happen again.  I already knew my odds

This time I didn’t blame myself.

And that has made all the difference.

“I am a huge believer in so much beauty coming from so much pain. Although I would highly prefer to go without the pain, I have learned throughout my short life that when you have experienced pain in great excess you can also experience more beauty than ever before. I truly craved the beauty to come. I had amazing moments of clarity and beauty last year. I remember laying on a raft in the ocean in Aruba and watching the clouds and being so amazed by how beautiful it was. I was so thankful that my creator and the creator of the universe is so full of creativity. I experienced this beauty days after my second d&c. I wonder if I would have noticed it if my heart wasn’t looking for something to remind me that God is in control.”

(thank you, Corner cafe, for pinning these beautiful words: source)

 

part VIII

10 Comments on Our journey to #2: This time

  1. triciastatler
    January 29, 2013 at 1:43 am (5 years ago)

    Absolutely beautiful, Kate. My cousin is currently going through this all right now ( 3 rd miscarriage on thursday for her second baby). If you don’t mind can I share your blog with her?

    Reply
    • sweetmamak
      January 29, 2013 at 3:11 am (5 years ago)

      absolutely-please do! my heart goes out to her!

      Reply
  2. triciastatler
    January 29, 2013 at 1:43 am (5 years ago)

    Absolutely beautiful, Kate. My cousin is currently going through this all right now ( 3 rd miscarriage on thursday for her second baby). If you don’t mind can I share your blog with her?

    Reply
    • sweetmamak
      January 29, 2013 at 3:11 am (5 years ago)

      absolutely-please do! my heart goes out to her!

      Reply
  3. Kristen
    January 29, 2013 at 4:54 pm (5 years ago)

    Thanks so much for sharing Kate. I am Tricia’s cousin. These are such sweet words of encouragement to me. I find myself feeling the same way. Being more vocal about it has helped give us the support we need to get through this and keep trying. I will keep following your blog and keep you in our thoughts and prayers a well.

    Reply
    • sweetmamak
      January 30, 2013 at 2:37 am (5 years ago)

      Hi Kristen! I’m sorry we had to “meet” under these circumstances but I hope my story is an encouragement to you! I’ll be praying for you!

      Reply
  4. Kristen
    January 29, 2013 at 4:54 pm (5 years ago)

    Thanks so much for sharing Kate. I am Tricia’s cousin. These are such sweet words of encouragement to me. I find myself feeling the same way. Being more vocal about it has helped give us the support we need to get through this and keep trying. I will keep following your blog and keep you in our thoughts and prayers a well.

    Reply
    • sweetmamak
      January 30, 2013 at 2:37 am (5 years ago)

      Hi Kristen! I’m sorry we had to “meet” under these circumstances but I hope my story is an encouragement to you! I’ll be praying for you!

      Reply

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