Welcome to my new blog!  I’ve made some exciting (for me) changes as of late.  The address is still the same (sweetmamak.com) but if you have my website bookmarked, you’ll probably need to re-do that with this address. 

If you want to receive all of my writings delivered to your email, enter it on the right sidebar.  (If you’ve already done so, check your email to make sure the move didn’t take that subscription away-sorry!)

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Life lately has been, well, hard to describe.

(disclaimer: I’m going to attempt to honestly lay out my current feelings below. No need to be concerned.  Just want to share in case others can relate)

Things have been hard.  It has felt like work.  There has been a cycle of good news and bad news that we just can’t seem to escape from (or has life always like this?  Sometimes I wonder if the mellow life I remember prior to becoming a mom actually existed.)  Good news for our family immediately preceded by bad news for our friends.  Excellent news for our friends immediately followed by a crushing blow for us. 

There has been a lot of rejoicing amidst mourning.

I’ve been scared a lot lately this year.  Like sick to my stomach, heavy cloak around me, scared.

There’s a special kind of fear that surrounds your children being sick.  I’ve become well-acquainted with that fear this year.

I’ve caught myself holding my breath, anxious for this week to be over, that news to be delivered, those situations to resolve.  And just when I exhale, it seems, a new sucker punch leaves me once again breathless.

I feel very unsettled.  Despite the work we’ve accomplished on the house, there is something about living amongst “projects” that messes with your psyche.  It is hard to find rest in something that constantly screaming you, “paint me!  decorate me!  finish me!”

My heart has been pushed closer to Heaven’s presence.  While I once looked around at the life I had amassed on earth and thought, “I am really going to miss this someday!”.  Now I find myself aching for the day when I no longer have to fear a stomach bug, when I won’t sleep restlessly over the fear of the unknown, where all of our relationships will be completely restored and we will never miss another’s presence.

As the days grow shorter and the cold seeps in, I dread the darkness.  The time change always comes unexpectedly and leaves me reeling for a bit. The trees and bushes look sad and shameful; their former glory amassed in piles around their feet.

Winter always carries a foreboding and melancholy feeling for me.  Will it be bitter and sick and long?  Will it close in on us and imprison us in our homes?  Will we crawl out from hibernation in April starved, blinking, and weary?

Today I found myself falling into a dark cycle after yet another round of illness.  I rallied my instincts and took the girls outside for an hour of play when the sun was still bright.  MG drew suns and skies with smiley faces.  I gulped the oxygen that had just a hint of winter in it and I’m going to try to make it last until April.

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And if it doesn’t?  Well you know where to find me.

-smk

8 Comments on Striving

  1. Tricia
    November 12, 2014 at 12:44 am (3 years ago)

    Kate, thanks for your honesty! I can relate, oh how I can relate!! Praying for you all:) And love the new layout, nicely done

    Reply
    • kate.j.miley@gmail.com
      November 12, 2014 at 7:31 pm (3 years ago)

      Thanks so much, Tricia! How I miss being neighbors and being able to have playdates with you all to break up the monotony! 🙁 🙁

      Reply
  2. dee kijanko
    November 12, 2014 at 2:37 am (3 years ago)

    Dear dear Kate, thank you for sharing your heart and soul. Your pen is one of a “skillful writer”…a phrase I read in the bible and pray for…as I love words and scribbling them down with my favorite pens…and long to do it skillfully ….for God’s honor and glory first, to point to Him foremost. Yet also to touch the hearts of others, to remind them they are not alone in this every day struggle and journey we call life. Most importantly, that there is ONE Who understands and Who knows us and every thought, fear and emotion better than we know ourselves. That’s what your words did for me. Thank you. One of the times I really miss Taylor is when I remember that you and Nate are there now…and we are not. We hope to visit your beautiful sweet little school house home one day. And you are ALWAYS welcome to retreat to our home in the mountains! Since we’re not living there right now…we short term rent it and are hoping to “exchange” it for other homes in areas of the country and world we want to visit and explore! Let us know if you need a break and can get away. Much love always! d

    Reply
    • kate.j.miley@gmail.com
      November 12, 2014 at 7:30 pm (3 years ago)

      Dee–what a beautiful description! That’s exactly what I long for! I like that “house swap” idea–we will definitely keep that in mind 🙂

      Reply
  3. Elizabeth
    November 12, 2014 at 2:40 am (3 years ago)

    If this winter is terrible take a small trip to Cincinnati! MaKenzie, you and I can hit up ikea and let all the kids run around while we survive! 🙂

    Reply
    • kate.j.miley@gmail.com
      November 12, 2014 at 7:29 pm (3 years ago)

      That would be AWESOME!!!! I’ll definitely keep that in mind:)

      Reply
  4. Liz Sagaser
    November 14, 2014 at 5:07 am (3 years ago)

    Kate, how are you in my head like that?? The sun begins to set about 3:30 around here, and it feels like we should be putting the kids to bed shortly after 5, but we haven’t even eaten dinner yet… And don’t get me started on STOMACH BUGS. I am on day 9 of a nasty stomach bug as I type this, and I can’t eat a thing without paying for it, big time. I am dehydrated and SICK of being SICK. And my son just got over a double ear infection followed by a stomach bug that included a head to toe rash and fever of 103.4 I feel like we’ve landed in some kind of ill health twilight zone. It helps to read your words – thank you for sharing them.

    Reply
    • kate.j.miley@gmail.com
      November 17, 2014 at 7:05 pm (3 years ago)

      Oh goodness, Liz! I am so sorry–how I empathize with you!! Praying for you as I pray for my family!

      Reply

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