After the last post, I think it goes without saying, I’m very excited for a fresh start to 2017. I love getting on social media and seeing that I’m not the only person who feels this way. It seems there are many of us in a state of reflection and aspiration this January and I’ve loved seeing what others are doing, whether it be food fasts, picking a word to focus on throughout the year, or the good, old-fashioned resolution. Solidarity.
I, too, carry a torch of hope this January as I look ahead to the big picture of a whole year. Three-hundred and sixty-five days of a blank slate. In 2017, I want to obtain SETTLEMENT, to feel PEACEFUL, and RESTFUL. I don’t have any specific resolutions this year, but I have a lot of prayers and this verse that keeps coming up
“But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, ESTABLISH, strengthen, and SETTLE you.” 1 Peter 5:10
I’m praying this is the year we find our next church home, our core group of friends, and N finishes his doctorate. I’m hopeful we can put our finishing touches in this house and make it feel completely like ours and a comfortable resting place for a long time.
I’m dedicated to strengthening my body through time spent in exercise everyday and strengthening my mind by reading more books that I like this year (2016 was kind of a bust for good books for me. I either didn’t finish or didn’t like most of the ones I read. Plus having a newborn killed my pace for a while).
Right now sewing is my go-to hobby in my afternoon free time but I am behind on Sibby’s baby book and feel the pressure to catch up, and ultimately finish around her first birthday. I also feel the call to write more and whenever I read a good book, it fills my heart with an even greater longing to do so. I’m hoping that more & higher quality input = more & higher quality output.
I’m paying attention to the way I start to feel a bit sad everyday around 3:30pm. I’m not sure the significance of this despondent hour; if it’s due to the winter hours and that’s when the light begins to change from full sun to creeping towards sunset, or if it’s when the day starts to feel like it’s over because MG is home from school and my short window of leisure is running out.
I feel stretched thin in my time, to be sure. Managing the needs of the three little ones is a lot, on top of caring for the house, keeping up with hobbies, and the aforementioned exercise. I think it’s good to pay attention to little nigglings of dark feelings and try to root out if they are coming from a good place or a negative one. So my ear is cocked, proverbially speaking.
Being stretched thin makes me aware that I cannot give each girl my best, and carries with it some guilt. I can’t decide if this is coming from a place of mom-guilt, remorse, or a true need to manage my time better, so I am paying attention here as well. Trying to manage and schedule us well so that I can feel a satisfaction as I lay my head on the pillow with how I spent each day. Perhaps that is chasing after a unicorn, so to speak, but I don’t want to look back and think I could have done better, or even given up one small thing that would make a huge difference.
Finally, Is is weird that I am so dedicated to this blog? That I’m still pecking away at it in the face of a collective blogging demise and despite not turning over a dime for it? I think the answer is yes. I have steered away from and turned down all offers of sponsored posts because I think they take away from my original mission of the blog, which is to tell my family’s story from my perspective. I’ve never cared much about growing my audience or scaling it, so to speak, but wrote with a hopeful longing that my humble thoughts will find their way into the hands of the right people. And, the public nature of it keeps me accountable (I’ve found through many false starts that I am not a long-term journaler. The public nature of this blog is what keeps it running. The comments and likes feed the bear.)
2017, here I come. Older and wiser, worn and sleepier. A fulcrum tipping towards peace and rest, I do so hope.