On any given day prior to June 29, 2010, we were absolutely convinced we were having a boy.

It wasn’t that I necessarily wanted a boy over a girl, it’s just that there were multiple experiences to make me think this babe was coming out blue.  It seemed like (or maybe I was just hearing) everyone was saying, “Boy, boy, boy”.  When Daddy was asked what he wanted, instead of saying the typical, “I don’t care as long as it’s healthy..blah, blah, blah”, he chose a side….boy.  We called her by her boy name.  We prayed for her by her boy name.  And there were several other convincing factors that are more of an “in person type of story” that led us to believe that we would have a son joining our family that November.

I even bought 2 whole bags of boy clothes.  And zero girl clothes.  Yes, I do realize there is always a 50/50 chance.   But the odds didn’t concern me.  I relied on my intuition. I just knew I was having a boy.

We went into the gender ultrasound with lots of nervous excitement.  Would he look okay?  Would they see anything suspicious?  Would they finally relieve the stress and tell us it’s a boy?

The ultrasound tech, the same one I’d had for my first two ultrasounds, is a bit of an ice queen. N tried to warm her up by asking her (before the appointment even started), “So what do you think?  Boy or girl?”  She gave a stilted, and I do mean stilted laugh and said, “No one’s ever asked me that at the beginning before.”  She did a once-over on my belly and pronounced, “Boy.”  Knew it.

I climbed up on the table and the lights were dimmed.  We watched our little baby, who was thankfully, much more baby-like this time, pop up on the screen.  Four limbs were counted hastily.  The heartbeat was confirmed.  Ah, I felt like I can breathe again.

“I believe it’s a girl”.  Said the Queen, with much less conviction than I would hope for when you are handing me my eternal fate.

Was that it?  No build-up.  No, “Are you ready to find out what you’re having?!?“.  No excited trills or proclamations?

N and I both looked at each other.  “I mean, are you sure?”

“Well, the legs are crossed right now.  Let, me just see….”  And she proceeded to mash and prod my belly with the warm laser.  I mentally willed those little legs to move.

“Okay, yep, definitely a girl.  See right here?”  Those little legs were doing the amniotic splits.  There was nothing to see there.

N didn’t say anything.  I said meekly, “I always wanted a little girl.”  But I knew it wasn’t convincing.  He was in shock, I was in shock.  But I wasn’t about to let the Ice Queen think we were disappointed.  So I kept trying to cover for us.

She must have sensed our confusion because she quickly changed the topic to the recent episode of the Bachelorette and how she thought I resembled Ali.  I wasn’t sure if I was relieved for a change of topic, worried that she thought we hated our outcome, or annoyed that we spent more time talking about the B than our baby.

We even have this {now} hilarious video of our “recovery”  in the waiting room.  When asked my first thought upon hearing girl I said, “Now I’ll have to return all those clothes I bought.”  N’s?  “How am I going to pay for a wedding?”  When asked our biggest fears about a pink baby, N: “I hope she looks like you”.  Me: “I hope she…is a girl when she comes out”.  Clearly I hadn’t been converted yet.

While we waited for the doctor to see us, I cornered N.  “Are you disappointed?”

“No, no.  Not disappointed. {and he would have told me}  I just don’t know how to do girls.”  He had that deer-in-headlights look and I totally got it.  He grew up in a boy-dominated house.  His family spent the summer camping.  He dug snakes and crawfish out of the creek in his backyard and kept them as pets.  He had mastered 13 distinct gun noises by the time he was 7.

Little did he know, one of the things I had always said to be true about him long before babies were a thought in our minds: he will be such a good dad of girls.  And he is.  Encouraging, funny, sensitive, compassionate, persistent.  Embarrassing…but in that “protective sort of way”.  He will always pursue our girl and make her feel special and loved.  Just as he did her Mama.

After the appointment, the very first place I went was………Old Navy.  Why?  Well remember those bags of boy clothes?  They were running a special that was ending that day so I wanted to exchange the clothes and hopefully find some good bargains on girl clothes.

   (side note: It was on this day that I purchased one of my very favorite outfits for baby MG, pictured here.  Maybe one of the reasons I loved it so much is because the day I bought it  was the first time I emotionally bonded with her?)      

Girl clothes.  As I perused the aforementioned neglected-by-myself girl section, I felt so lost.  I felt so out of place.  I had to completely re-align my thinking with reality.   My alliance had been to the boys for so long, that I felt guilty and confused buying for a girl.  What are these lace leggings for?  Do I even like lace?  Is it okay to not dress your daughter in head-to-toe pink?  How do I feel about jellies?  Somebody take me to the bows…stat.    

I had an almost uncontrollable urge to run over to every mother-daughter pair and interrogate them.  “What do you think of having a girl?  What should I buy?  Where should I begin?” In fact, one of my reoccurring nightmares was that the doctors had been wrong and this baby would come out a boy.  Silly, I know.  But that thought had been there for so long, that it was incredibly hard to rethink.

When I brought home my new pink and lavender purchases and showed them to Daddy (who, by the way, still hadn’t lost that deer-in-headlights-look), we both had a moment of, “Wow.  This is it.  We are going to be buying pink clothes for the rest of our lives!”  And so be it.

My dear, darling MG,

Ever since we found out you were a little girl, that’s all you’ve ever been to us.  Our little girl. We loved you from the moment we found out you were joining our family.  But this new knowledge made our hearts swell with even more love for you.  Because now you were a person, an identity.  You had a name.  You had a form.  You had a future.  You were changing our family.  And for the better.

In the back of my mind, I always knew I wanted a little girl.  Someday.  I never wanted to be the solo female in a male-dominated house.  Thank you for single-handedly getting me out of that!  I’ve never been good at dinosaurs or war games, but I can throw a heck of a tea party!  Plus, I was nervous that I would never have a little girl to pass on my dearly loved baby dolls  and to wear my old gently loved baby clothes that your Granny lovingly saved for you.  I have so many vivid memories of my childhood: of slumber parties, and life-changing books, and  doll-houses, and kittens and ponies, and childhood fantasies.  I absolutely cannot wait to pass these memories and experiences on to you.  Tell me, how would I do that with a little boy?

In fact, finding out you were a girl was a wonderful surprise because I was actually SURPRISED….and for a planner like me, sometimes surprises come in the best forms…just like a little pink you.

I love you, my little girl.

“I’ll love you forever and like you for always.  As long as I’m living, my little girl you’ll always be.”

 

part IV

20 Comments on MG’s birth story: The Day “It” became She

  1. flylittleone.com
    April 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm (6 years ago)

    Great story! I always had a gut feeling that I was having a girl-even though all signs pointed to me looking like I was carrying a boy. I had the classic torpedo belly. I'm forever grateful that God didn't prove me wrong, because I too feel lost with little boys. Heaven help me if #2 is not another girlie…

    Reply
  2. flylittleone.com
    April 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm (6 years ago)

    Great story! I always had a gut feeling that I was having a girl-even though all signs pointed to me looking like I was carrying a boy. I had the classic torpedo belly. I'm forever grateful that God didn't prove me wrong, because I too feel lost with little boys. Heaven help me if #2 is not another girlie…

    Reply
  3. Devan
    April 16, 2012 at 3:26 pm (6 years ago)

    I LOVED this. The night we found out they were both girls Paul just said, 'But what do I DO with girls?!' Like you said, I always knew he'd be a great dad of girls (the other day he said, 'I think they need more bows.' And he was serious!) We'll probably end up with 6 girls. Which is fine as long as at least one plays a sport. ; )
    And random question for you, I read that you cloth diaper MG…what kind do you use? Love reading about your little family. : )

    Reply
  4. Devan
    April 16, 2012 at 3:26 pm (6 years ago)

    I LOVED this. The night we found out they were both girls Paul just said, 'But what do I DO with girls?!' Like you said, I always knew he'd be a great dad of girls (the other day he said, 'I think they need more bows.' And he was serious!) We'll probably end up with 6 girls. Which is fine as long as at least one plays a sport. ; )
    And random question for you, I read that you cloth diaper MG…what kind do you use? Love reading about your little family. : )

    Reply
  5. Rachel Jones
    April 16, 2012 at 5:08 pm (6 years ago)

    Hahaha – oh my goodness – same thing happened to us but we didn't find out until the day she was born. So I'm really trying to stay neutral on this 2nd one 🙂
    So thankful for our 2 little first born girls – sweetest little blessings!!
    Thanks for sharing!:)

    Reply
  6. Rachel Jones
    April 16, 2012 at 5:08 pm (6 years ago)

    Hahaha – oh my goodness – same thing happened to us but we didn't find out until the day she was born. So I'm really trying to stay neutral on this 2nd one 🙂
    So thankful for our 2 little first born girls – sweetest little blessings!!
    Thanks for sharing!:)

    Reply
  7. Sweet Mama K
    April 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm (6 years ago)

    I'm so glad you had a little girl too! MG wouldn't know what to do without a slightly taller version of herself running around 🙂

    Reply
  8. Sweet Mama K
    April 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm (6 years ago)

    I'm so glad you had a little girl too! MG wouldn't know what to do without a slightly taller version of herself running around 🙂

    Reply
  9. Sweet Mama K
    April 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm (6 years ago)

    Ha–oh yes! I'd be lying if I said we didn't hope that #2-6 (haha yeah right) are girls! (sorry, future son) And thankfully Daddy has found a few “skills” he can pass on to girls since then…like lacrosse.

    As far as CDing…we use a combo of BumGenius AIOs (don't you love all the acronyms??), gDiapers, and BG Flips. The AIOs are my favorite by a narrow margin. I hope to do a post on it soon. What about you? All of my CDing knowledge has come through personal recommendation and I still have a lot to learn 🙂

    Reply
  10. Sweet Mama K
    April 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm (6 years ago)

    Ha–oh yes! I'd be lying if I said we didn't hope that #2-6 (haha yeah right) are girls! (sorry, future son) And thankfully Daddy has found a few “skills” he can pass on to girls since then…like lacrosse.

    As far as CDing…we use a combo of BumGenius AIOs (don't you love all the acronyms??), gDiapers, and BG Flips. The AIOs are my favorite by a narrow margin. I hope to do a post on it soon. What about you? All of my CDing knowledge has come through personal recommendation and I still have a lot to learn 🙂

    Reply
  11. Sweet Mama K
    April 16, 2012 at 6:15 pm (6 years ago)

    Rachel—I totally admire you for your patience!! I wish I had the strength to wait until delivery day to find out—what a neat way to do it 🙂 I can't wait to find out what your #2 is! Either way it will be perfect. As everyone always told me with the firstborn girl: now you will always have a 2nd little Mama by your side to help you with the next ones 🙂

    Reply
  12. Sweet Mama K
    April 16, 2012 at 6:15 pm (6 years ago)

    Rachel—I totally admire you for your patience!! I wish I had the strength to wait until delivery day to find out—what a neat way to do it 🙂 I can't wait to find out what your #2 is! Either way it will be perfect. As everyone always told me with the firstborn girl: now you will always have a 2nd little Mama by your side to help you with the next ones 🙂

    Reply
  13. Becca
    April 17, 2012 at 4:07 am (6 years ago)

    Well, good timing on this one because Seth and I find out TOMORROW!! Since the MIL is throwing a gender reveal party Friday, we're doing our best to keep in on the DL from anyone until then. I am very excited to chat once the words out. So until then my friend…AHHHHHHHHH

    Reply
  14. Becca
    April 17, 2012 at 4:07 am (6 years ago)

    Well, good timing on this one because Seth and I find out TOMORROW!! Since the MIL is throwing a gender reveal party Friday, we're doing our best to keep in on the DL from anyone until then. I am very excited to chat once the words out. So until then my friend…AHHHHHHHHH

    Reply
  15. SMK
    April 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm (6 years ago)

    Ahhhh! I hope you can sleep tonight with such a big day tomorrow! Baby P will be perfect either way, but I'm dying to know. Please let us know as soon as you can!!!

    Reply
  16. SMK
    April 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm (6 years ago)

    Ahhhh! I hope you can sleep tonight with such a big day tomorrow! Baby P will be perfect either way, but I'm dying to know. Please let us know as soon as you can!!!

    Reply
  17. Jen Burkus
    May 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm (5 years ago)

    Ok, so you know at first when I learned we were expecting, I thought I was having a boy. I'm not sure why…maybe it was just “mother's intuition”. However, once I calculated my conception date, etc. based on LMP and all that fancy schmancy fertility lingo I knew it was a girl. I worked at an infertility office for 3 yrs…anywho, I'm right there with you girl! 🙂 Love my baby girl though!!

    Reply
  18. Jen Burkus
    May 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm (5 years ago)

    Ok, so you know at first when I learned we were expecting, I thought I was having a boy. I'm not sure why…maybe it was just “mother's intuition”. However, once I calculated my conception date, etc. based on LMP and all that fancy schmancy fertility lingo I knew it was a girl. I worked at an infertility office for 3 yrs…anywho, I'm right there with you girl! 🙂 Love my baby girl though!!

    Reply

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